the shattering of my heart you cant hear

Friday, April 07, 2006

fuck unfair

fuck it. im so damn mad. and my sister - she is so irritating. wtfcb.

ok lets talk about other more positive stuff. like im not going to go to speech day tomorrow. going to give it a miss as it crashed with my yoga lesson as i had predicted - im still scolding myself for predicting it in the first place. shit. ashley will have 4 awards tomorrow. and 5 if nadia did not come too.

had to complete maths and dnt by this weekend. dont know why dateline is like so freaking short and im like so slacking away...

okay - i confess. i do agree that jay chou have talent. even though he got muffled voice - like he was being stuffed with pillow when he rap. he is good. wahah.

seriously ive thought about it and i swear that im going to mug very very very hard for my Os. i really dont want to be trapped in coral. xo that will be very terrible. so the right thing to do is mug and get even better results so i can go to tp or sp. hehz~ and more importantly - to the course that i want which is either something in business or design. but maybe i will put business first because i can go to laselle-sia after poly. stop! im thinking too far off. wahah. one last one - after laselle-sia i will go to university - SMU or overseas. okay. im stopping here right now. want to post it here so i can check how far off ive wandered after a few years. xp and get back on track if i did.

read : contents for my sister only - the only person that is capable of making me cry all by her self

seriously, i didnt want us to quarrel like EVERYDAY?!?!? its so driving me nuts. i dont know if its because sec 1 work is piling up and making you go crazy as well or if theres something bothering you. i just know, you always initiate the fight. and im so trying to not scold you back. okay, maybe a few times i irritated you and caused you to do stupid things. you say that i dont understand. but well, did you pause and think that you coud also be in the wrong and you are the one that does not understand? i mean seriously who is perfect? but somethings really terribly going so wrong cause we are like fighting every single day. shit. im damn tired of this. i think i should just ignore you totally and stop talking to you. yea, not even hi. if you are ever going to read this, i want you to know. im not posting this thing here to tell people that you are in the wrong and im pointing at you saying its all your fault. i just want you to pause and think. not for you to finger-point at me.
sign off [eve] dutzt

--i feel useless--
--i feel dumb--
--i thought i suck--
--and i realised it was actually you--
--that you are useless--
--that you are dumb--
--asshole--
--and now i feel that

4/07/2006 08:43:00 PM | you shattered me

Thursday, April 06, 2006

english oral

had english oral today. didnt remembered until olivia told me. even though i knew. i seriously got really nervous and rushed through the passage, and my mind went blank when i saw the picture. xp i have never encounter that before. so it kinda scared me. i know my oral marks aint going to be that good anymore. and the conversation part - totally had me off guard. according to miss tracy tan, i was saying alot of 'lo' , 'ar' , 'la'. all this crap okay. and i really tried not to use it but it just slipped from my mouth. she was like saying ' erm, you cannot say this during your o levels oral okay?' then of course i agreed. so from this post, i will try and refrain from using singlish to type. its so hard, but i TRY. heez~ all for the sake of mr big o. yea, he is one big deal.

didnt go for maths remedial today, because of the oral. anyway, i dont think mr rafi conducted that. initially, i had to go for prefects meeting. i didnt know for what, noone told me until mervyn asked me about it. then i was like ' theres a meeting?!?!? need to bring blazer??!?! speech day?!?!' haha. i freaked and realised it wasnt such an important thing anyway. so i skipped it - i was so tired that i could have died.

lets hope that my yoga lesson will not start this saturday- im down for speech day! so if there is, i think i will go for my lesson instead. and if nadia didnt rush back to get her award, ashley will have to take 5 awards. which he threatens to replace our names with his. whatthehell. so i hope things dont crash. oh please dont.

needed to return the library books that i was forced to borrow to complete my english homework - its so long already, but i dont think it was overdued. kinda burnt out while blogging now. do you know how it feels like when you have to stay back everyday until 4pm?!?! its so damn torturous. and yea, all because of mr big o.

measured my hair today - almost got nothing to do. its 38.2cm long. xp and yep, my sister is wrong. its not 1 metre. wahah. but olivia said ive got even longer hair so, i dont know. she cut her hair like short again. xp grumbling about the auntie that cut it. you should have seen how she criticises. but now she have grown to like her hair. =]
sign off[eve] dutzt

--and once again--
--ive came to a point--
--when i think--
--i had used up--
--all my emotions--
--my strengths--
--going down--
--to the shut down mode--
--where i just take things--
--as they go--
--and i didnt want to care--
--but i know its wrong--
--my evil twin--
--telling me to take it easy--
--what i wanted to hear--
--what i wanted to be true--
--my other--
--telling me to work harder--
--knowing i need to--
--coz at the end of the day--
--its the real truth--

4/06/2006 07:03:00 PM | you shattered me

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

last cigarette

listening to bon jovi now. xo. yup, the title's the song im listening to right now. kinda slacking now... didnt want to do folio. school is beginning to suck right now. everyday theres bound to be something going on after school. social studies on mon, combined science on tues, dnt on wed, maths remedial on thursday, mock exam on friday. now the day i like is only sat. coz i can sleep late and theres no school tomorrow. lol. drizzling right now outside. but im still feeling hot.

i really dont get it. is people nowadays going to church and stuff because of the faith they have or is it because that everyone is church-going and stuff that it seems so cool to do that too?!?! its like so hypocritical. and lame too. if the reason is because everyone's doing it, then its so ridiculous and pointless. its even bringing disgrace to the religion. which to me - is a bad thing.

really cant stand people who go church, pray, saying awful vulgar stuff to peope and still want to try convert people, be like saints. its disgusting and disgracful. but i guess i can only blog about this thing here and leave it at that. ermz. and i know i dont have what it takes to criticise those freaks - which i call them, but i do think that im better then those who tries to act saint but actually deep down inside they are very worst. and actually im only talking about one very sickening person.

note: i do not have anything against people who have and believe in their religion. actually im proud to have friends that are like that! i just have a thing or two against people who disgrace the religion by pretending to be saints and contradicting it by their actions and whatsoever.

really didnt want to blog about those freaks. im sorry,but i really cant stand it.

started saving up my money for ipod shuffle - at least thats what i can afford right now. nano felt retarded to me - i mean the sensor. but then $23 of it went to my class sweater which i bought because ralph designed it - for your information, ralph is a very talented graffiti drawer plus other stuff ofcourse. haha. but i want to box him because he promised to draw my name for me but up until now it is nowhere to be seen. i hate ralph earl cipriano 2 . joking only.

to end it all - bon jovi is still very nice!! wahaha
sign off [eve] dutzt
--im complicated--
--i get frustrated--
--right or wrong--
--love or hate it--
--im complicated--
--you cant sedate it--
--i heard that song--
--but i wont play it--
--its alright--
--its ok--
--you wouldnt want it any way--
--momma keep on praying--
--cause i aint changin--
--im complicated--
--im complicated--

4/05/2006 07:27:00 PM | you shattered me

Monday, April 03, 2006

short and i erm i dont know if it is sweet

helped dad translated some english stuff that i couldnt explain properly. i think my english is slacking le. er. no time to watch desperate housewives! woamygod. today something freaky happened during my oral - or rather halfway through my oral, mr yuan go scold olivia and the rest for what they did not do. and for specific things that happened and what we talked about on the way to white sands, you better go to fifi's link and read it. i really want to sleep now. so damn quick and summarised - im sorry. lets hope that ashley bring me blazer but not his black shoes. wahah. smsed him but he never reply. his phone got a damn problem. if he brings, its all his phone's fault. xp
sign off [eve] dutzt

--i really want to sleep--
--really--
--so buhbye--

4/03/2006 11:19:00 PM | you shattered me