the shattering of my heart you cant hear

Saturday, April 01, 2006

bang the wall when in doubt - it brings you back to reality FAST

GROSS! i just realised how stupid i was during secondary 1. with the slapping thing going through my head. i think that wasnt me. xp haha. kinda got nothing better to do so i spent my free time reading my past testimonials. felt like an idioit that terrrorized people. to people i have terrorized and still terrorizing - im so sorry. hurmghf.

and i realised something. i havent finish watching olivia's stand up vcd. i think she forgot about it. so dont tell her. shhh

while watching tv i went to spray my handphone socks with perfume. lol. nice smell. wondered why i didnt notice it before. haha. now i got scent to wear when im going out. yey. my handphone is frangrant now - not that it was smelly before. -.-

sis's phone got confiscated. she 'overed' her phone bill. so thats why she nowadays like very moody. told her so many times not to messege me - especially when im just sitting beside her!! she just broke up with a COWARD. and shes happy and im happy for her too. i seriously see that coward buay song ar. fucking ah beng that caused my sis to become something like one too. hope now shes back to normal, and not hanging out with the bitches and faggots and find someone normal. lucky she was happy and moved on. woke up 4pm after my nap and she told me about it. say her friend told her. that coward didnt have the courage to tell her himself. FAGGOT. dont know why i laughed after that. haha

saturday today - when to market with mom this morning. i was still sleeping when she called me and i thought i was dreaming until i suddenly get this feeling that it was real. lol. get up, almost banged into the wall coz i was blurry and havent recovered into normal mode. so shit lo~
sign off [eve] dutzt

*thanks to idrus aka shrek for sending me the whole album of songs - OPPS!

--franz ferdinand--
--is so woamygod--
--sounded like country--
--in some parts--
--heh--
--and as you walk away--
--my headstone crumbles down--
--as you walk away--
--the hollywood winds a howl--
--as you walk away--
--the kremlins falling--
--as you walk away--
--radio 4 is static--
--as you walk away--
--aww--

4/01/2006 09:24:00 PM | you shattered me

Friday, March 31, 2006

people can behave freaky under stress - trust me

this is what happened during dnt lesson today. boontard got tired of living and challenged harry lee with a tenon saw. then he waved it like fun fair and say 'what?!? not happy ar? want to fight is it?!?!' then harry lee wanted to smack boontard so he when to get other tools and prepared to fight boontard. then the show down. xp

see boontard, still holding the tenon saw. in this picture you see him like he waving it, but actually he was shivering damn hard - jkn. LOL. and dont know what harry lee do. i think he wanted to let boontard hack him or something. haha. no time to take tools that is bigger then boontard's tenon saw, so he surrendered. ivan peh in background dont know doing what. like punching air only. stand by to close the door, in case boontard retreat. this is how lame people can behave in lesson time because of the stress they cannot cope.

note : please do not do this at home, unless you have a tenon saw or you are tired of living.

friday is my favourite day!! woamygod. finally the week is over. and i felt so relieved. like the force that was pressing me was suddenly gone. and i can breathe again. going to sleep late and recharge myself during the weekends. yey. love it!

love JET. singing their song when you are frustrated and bored is really therapy. true. i tried and succeed. heez~ maroon 5's too. actually all my favourite band. my heart are scattered all over. opps!

told myself not to over spend this month le. but i think i just did. hah. how am i going to save up for my eyeliner, james blunt and all other cds. i hate my atm card. its always tempting me. hurmphf. but without it i feel useless and dumb.

waha. according to shaik, i have a boyfriend. coz his photo is in my phone. and my boyfriend is FRANK the biker from taiwan. what a joke. and according to me, shaik has a girlfriend. and all thanks to ashley that shaik got SUKI. its not a joke!
sign off [eve] dutzt

--while i was walking home--
--my eyes laid on something--
--something familier--
--something ive seen before--
--and i realised--
--its something i owned--
--and lost--
--my spaceship--
--up until before i saw it--
--i almost forgot my roots--
--my extra terrestrial ancestry--
--maybe its because--
--i wanted to lessen the pain--
--of not being able to go back--
--SGT. MRD--
--the name of my ship--
--i was once proud of it--
--and still are--
--took it home--
--now its beside me--
--all polish--
--but crashed--
--looks like--
--i really couldnt go back--
--miss them--

3/31/2006 07:14:00 PM | you shattered me

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

fed up and im tired

kinda feel stupid today. blogger died on me just now. fuck. wrote some things that i think i wont remember again.

didnt have the motivation to do my homeworks. im stealing time everyday. using it to do some other things. like relaxing myself. i think if i continued without relaxing, i will die on my way to school and noone will know - this was not in my blog when i first typed it. fuck blogger and broadband once more. feelinf fucked up, screwed up and fed up. sorry, i really couldnt find another word that so accurately describes how i feel like what i used.

mr rafi wanted to play classical music during maths lesson time. he ask if it was true that it could help us learn better. and of course we said yes. wahah

still having that irritating headache. so painful, caused me not to function and caused me to destroy. luckily my sis havent came back, or else she will be my target. seriously, trying so hard to control my fucking temper and was doing a good job until today. but today its like telling me that it will explode on my face.

feeling frustrated. mr imran said i need to redo my folio's ideas again. said my drawing wasnt technical drawing but artistic drawing. didnt know if that was a compliment or not. so just smiled. i dont know, somehow the idea of me redoing my folio again and again doesnt really feel very appealing to me. it slowly repelled me away. and if mr benny or mr imran should stumble unto this blog of mine, i think they will slap me on my face. and i really personally think that i deserve to be slapped. WOAMYGOD wont you just like let me die?

feeling pressured. think its because of my O this year and the teachers that keep emphasizing how important it is to pass and get to poly made it even worst. huhz. this is my life. think i will work doubly hard during the time when im waiting for my results. first - save up for rainy days in case i fail to get through and at least i have financial support. or second - save up for things that i have always wanted to buy since ages and indulge myself crazy. xp hope its the second. who would choose the first?

helio said my display picture in msn dont look like me. oh well, thats someone else then. and hakim said bye to me when i was walking pass him going home. so sweet. im going to add merit to him. for being nice to his seniors. lol. according to halif, the merit system is up and im not pretty sure as ive not been in the prefects room for since ages. vivien told me that mr sundrum's bbq party was once again postponed. what a joke.

i really can punch someone on the face right now. its like so satisfying. and nice.

if blogger died on me again i will curse it. and say fuck again.
sign off [eve] dutzt

--i can only faintly smile--
--no more strength to laugh it out--
--my laughters they turn to smiles--
--my words they turn to silent whispers--
--and my frustrations--
--they miracly turn to tears--
--somehow it doesnt--
--quite surprise me that much anymore--
--and you--
--i dont know--
--i can feel nothing--
--and nothing is all i feel--
--or maybe the only thing--
--i can feel--
--is the ache that still--
--lingers in my heart--
--coz even though im here--
--im far away--
--coz im lying in the open field--
--where im away--
--from hurts and fears--
--and pains and tears--
--where im safe--
--just being me--
--alone and alone--
--a place where noone sees me cry--

3/29/2006 07:36:00 PM | you shattered me

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

loooong day but fun and stupid at the same time

harx. long day today. why? because after school there's extra science lesson - todays chemistry conducted by mrs lau. actually alot of people say she very bad, but i think she teach okay what. what's wrong?? at least she taught me something. xp

after chemistry had to go to speech day rehearsal. shaun [the prefect] told me this morning that i got two awards ar. then at that time i still dont know what ma, but during the rehearsal then i know. for prefects and dnt. lol. didnt expect i still can get for prefects. ive been like slacking like dont know what. and i think i didnt contribute THAT much lo. but still i got the award. surprise surprise. kinda weird. seeing CG there and not sitting with them. still cant get over the fact that i step down le. even though its a relief la. but still, i would LOVE to play some pieces. haiya, im stuck in between.

sit beside ashley then was making jokes about his two girlfriends [please refer to my earlier post] haha. so dumb. laugh until my face red, and still cannot stop. and stupid kenrick keep calling me les. told you i not le lo. kenrick - if i am then you are gay lo, you stupid homo. yey, musaddiq say i not les. wahah. told you i was normal. heez~ then we talked about being in the same class during primary 3 -3L right?!?! and also about mr thiru -musaddiq's form teacher in p5-6. how generous he is with money.

didnt blog for 3 days. im sorry but seriously got too tired. still thinking if i should upload all the pictures that i took during biketrial. hehez. got cute little and big guys - secretly took them. because i was sitting at the main control, got nothing else better to do. xp

ps - frank is so cute. waha. sis going to kill me because she saw him first and i mentioned him. lol.

japan's the overall winner lo. kinda stupid as singapore is the host country then never win anything, only runner-up. cheh. but august going to have another event i think, so im going to delete all my photos in the phone and prepare to make space for more space. wahah. you know what for. lol. and lol again.
sign off [eve] dutzt

--i dont know--
--i really dont--
--now you making me--
--confused and lost--
--you can be friendly--
--and really friendly--
--or can be cold--
--and really cold--
--i feel that--
--awkwardness--
--is slowing creeping--
--between us--
--tearing us away--
--from each other--

3/28/2006 08:00:00 PM | you shattered me